My Blog

Creating MAGIC in your LOVE LIFE!

04/05/2012 22:44:00

Do you want to create more MAGIC in your LOVE LIFE? Are you mumbling to yourself...."What Love Life?"

Getting out of your comfort zone is EXCITING and SCARY. But, it's honestly the ONLY way to get more out of your life.

What are you waiting for? You can create anything you want in life. I know this for a fact because I used to be a scared, depressed, divorced, broke single mom who had been married to an alcoholic abusive man. I escaped all of that drama to create a dream life. No, it's not ALL perfect but it is dreamy. I've healed from the past and made peace with my ex. My daughter has even told me that she finally realized that I really did the right thing to leave her dad. This was big. Was it easy? No. Was it worthwhile? YES. Back then, I didn't even know what a healthy relationship looked or felt like. I just knew that it wasn't what I had and no amount of therapy sessions was going to change that.

The first step to creating Magic in YOUR LOVE LIFE is accepting where you are right now. Where ever you are at is JUST fine. Really. Don't make yourself wrong or even right. It is what it is and you can always improve.

The second step is to use what Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup for the Soul fame, calls the RULE OF FIVE. That is doing 5 different things per day or per week. I vote for 5 per day. These new actions can be quite small but as the book: The Slight Edge advocates...success doesn't happen over night and neither does failure but every day that you take one positive action builds over time. Which will it be for you? Actions that take you down a bad path or ones that take you closer to your goals and dreams?

Let me suggest some actions to take that can dramatically impact your LOVE LIFE for the positive. Just by taking them on you will feel more in charge of your life.

1. Before you get out of bed in the morning. Imagine a photo or a short video of you in love. What would it feel like? How would your day be different? If you journal write this down.

2. Forgive someone from your past. Remember that guy/gal who did you wrong? Just mentally say to your self (Extra points for saying it out loud.) Jack, I forgive you for not......

3. Smile at 3 more people than normal each day. Just smile and nod.

4. Give 3 more compliments per day to the man or woman in your life. (If you are single, compliment a stranger.)

5. Ask your partner what would need to happen to make them happier in their life? then be a good listener. If you are single: ASK YOURSELF and journal this.

i realize that doing these kinds of things will take you out of your comfort zone but the truth is that you really aren't all that comfortable in that comfort zone either.

I am here to support you if you need a nudge or even a shove. I love to coach people who are ready to leave a life they don't like anymore in favor of a juicy new life. The good news is that you don't have to do it all alone.

Remember, that I used to be a depressed, scared, broke, single mom, so who better to support you than someone who has been there and done that and dramatically altered their own life. For the record: I moved from Ohio to California. I now live with an incredible view of the ocean with my sweetheart and my dog Romeo. My daughter is grown and happy. My relationship books have been on best seller lists. I love working with my clients and they love me. And...I get to do more of what I love including writing and playing more harp music. Check out my harp music and my Soulmate meditation set to harp music at http://www.MySpace.com/AlmostHeavenHarp

E-mail me if you think you might be ready to get out of your UN-comfort Zone and work with a coach to create more magic in your life. No pressure or anything, but if you feel a certain calling inside of you for a better life and you think that you might be ready for an intuitive results oriented seasoned coach then you will take the next step. If not, just continue reading my posts and watching my videos as much as you like.

xoxo Susan Bradley Susan@MyDramaFreeRelationship.com

Are YOU? Terminally Single (TM) ? Find out.

02/03/2012 18:40:00

Are You Terminally Single (TM) ? We know that being single is NOT a disease. Though there are people that could be labeled as TS. Terminally Single.(TM)

Have you noticed how quickly the years are going by and you still go to parties alone, spend holidays alone? Every year it's another hopeful year until once again you don't have your real love to celebrate what some call National Singles Awareness Day! Valentines Day. After years of coaching singles who've said on the outside that they really really want a relationship, I identified two groups of people. People who want love and find love and those that don't.

In coaching many singles over the years, I've noticed a pattern in Men and Women who seek love, over and over with limited results.Their relationships are more like minor blips on a radar scale with no longevity. Many of these people have never ever even gotten their feet wet in a real relationship. On the surface, it appears that they either don't know how to flirt, are too shy, or are just too nice. Yet...I have taken the shy non-flirters who exhibit NGB (Nice Guy But....) qualities and helped them transform. Yes, I've helped them dress more hip, find the right pair of eye-glasses, worked on their body language, and perfected their flirting/mingling approach and their delivery skills. TS'ers are generally eager to learn and make great progress. Yet they never go all the way: literally and figuratively. They only let me or anyone else, take them 90% of the way.

You might wonder why TS'ers (especially if you recognize yourself here) the reason some never seem to reach their long term love relationship goals.

Some TS'ers just need some dating experience. Most have focused on their careers and have not paid much attention to dating, if at all. This means they need to catch up to their peers in the sheer amount of relationship experience.

Here are the top characteristics of TS'ers. Do any of the following seem familiar to you?

1. PC: They are way too PC (politically correct) in everything that they do. Because they are so PC, they never get beyond surface talk with the men or women they try to flirt with. In relationships, they never get juicy, they never dig deep and get really connected. Many of these relationships fizzle out over time.

2. SMART: They are very very smart. Too smart. These people are so smart that they talk themselves right out of a relationship.

3. THINKERS. They think too much and too long before ever making any moves or decisions. They often pride themselves on how well they think things through before taking action. This is a great discipline, yet in the realm of love, it's a NO PASS.

Thinkers just aren't as much fun as people who are more spontaneous. Thinkers, think: "Maybe I should go up to her/him and say this or maybe that. By the time they actually take action, the person that they are interested in is already flirting with someone else.

4. LOGICAL: TS'ers have what seems to be logical excuses for why they haven't found "the one" yet. They say things like: "You just don't understand my city ...they're all married here." or

The women in this city, just don't "show up." Really? There are people getting married every day in your city and you can't find a single, compatible person?

5. RISK ADVERSE: TS'ers are risk adverse and CAREFUL. They are too careful with their money, too careful with their heart, and too careful with the decisions they make. CAREFUL: TS'ers are way way too careful. These TS'ers are too careful with their heart or emotions they take very few risks which is the reason why most of them don't flirt. I've seen them too careful with their money as well. Many men who are risk adverse, wait too long to buy a woman flowers or a wonderful birthday present because, in their mind, they haven't been dating long enough. HELLO? Flowers and mementos are the sparks that help a flame ignite in the first place. Better to buy no present than receive a gift of pencils. (That actually happened to me in 1987.)

6. INEXPERIENCED: Most Ts'ers have not had in-depth relationships that led to living together or anything longer than a 3 to 18 mos relationship. If you have never lived with someone or been married for longer than 18 mos then you are missing out on some basic critical experiences. (Most people over 48 who've never said "I do" are missing some basic knowledge about REAL Relationships.)

7. LIMITING BELIEFS: Until you figure out which of your limiting beliefs are holding you back in love, you won't get to experience an unprecedented breakthrough in this area. (My weekend retreat on Breaking Through Love & Abundance Barriers) will free you from this perplexing dilemma. It's time to release and free yourself from limiting beliefs about yourself and men and women once and for all.

8. ALPHA: This is a man that doesn't know how to keep women in their feminine. The women never FEEL that the TS man has a sex drive. HE covers it up too much. The body language of an alpha male is very different from the PC Risk Adverse male who is too careful of a what he thinks a woman's boundaries are. Remember the old saying: It's better to beg for forgiveness than ask permission. Non-Alpha men can learn how to be more Alpha so that their sex appeal and chemistry increases dramatically. Spend some time with an experienced relationship coach to learn how. The TS Women on the other hand are acting too independent and never really invite a man into their life. This leaves the man wondering where he fits in. Is there any room for love in your life?

9. SURFACE: TS'ers keep on digging 3 ft holes with their dating and marriage plans. They don't dig deep enough below the surface of the REAL reasons they are still single. What they don't realize is how close they are to the GOLD. Maybe, just maybe they are only one inch away but TS'ers always find a reason to stop just short of their goal.

10: AFRAID: Afraid they'll get hurt. Afraid they'll get divorced. Afraid to flirt because they're afraid they'll look ridiculous. I hear TS'ers recite horror stories of their friends and relatives all the time. I can tell you that they are so afraid of a divorce that they won't even try getting into a relationship. Worse yet, I see them run away from and sabotage the relationships they have that are have the most potential to be "the one."

11. APPROVAL SEEKERS: Underneath it all, TS'ers are always unconsciously doing things, even small things, to gain the favor and approval of others. The cure for this is to start developing. One 54 yr old southern male that I had a consultion with actually asked permission from the hotel manager to stand and wait in the lobby. If he had been with a woman, her MALE ENERGY GEIGER COUNTER SENSOR would have gone to below ZERO. Approval seekers also apologize too much.

12. TOO SELF-LESS: This is the opposite of selfish. TS'ers are often too generous. They take care of and value everyone else over themselves. They lower their social value by being a martyr.

13. LOVE BARRIERS: TS'ers have LOVE BARRIERS. Because something happened earlier in your life, it skewed the way you relate to LOVE in a some ways. The sooner you're able to identify your love barriers, the sooner you can make friends with them, understand them and then prevent them from messing with your LOVE LIFE. These love barriers also impact us in the area of MONEY.

14. BOUNDARY BLURRING: TS'ers either have HUGE WALLS as boundaries or LET EVERYONE WALK ALL OVER THEM. It's generally one or the other.

15. TOO INDEPENDENT: Both men and women are guilty of this but...women do it more than men. To have a successful significant other relationship it is necessary to learn how to be "INTER-Dependent." A fabulous public speaker that I know, just recently fell in love. She's one of the top female entrepreneurs in the world. Her new beau good naturedly joked about how he has to remind her to let him take out the garbage and other male things. He wants to be the man in the relationship. He knows full well that she can empty out the garbage but he wants to lighten her load because he cares about her. This is one great way that he can accomplish this.

16. TOO PROUD: After only a few months of coaching, often the TS'ers think they need to prove something to themselves so they quit coaching to see if they can "do it" on their own. Usually they flop and feel worse about themselves yet then can't (and won't) admit it. This is kind of like the patient who signs themselves out of the hospital AMA (Against Medical Advice). BIG MISTAKE!

17. LONE RANGER THINKING: I can do this on my own. Really? Yes we know you probably can, yet doing it with a partner is so much more rewarding. I heard about a woman who had a very loving man in her life and then found out that she was diagnosed with Cancer. This man, WANTED to stick by her side. What did she do? SHE PUSHED HIM AWAY. Her best friend said: Oh yes, she is Terminally Single. She doesn't even know how to let a guy INTO her life when it counts.

Oh, and here is my FAVORITE: NOT!

18: I AM JUST TOO SELECTIVE: Or otherwise said, I am just too choosy. The right one with all the qualities just hasn't "come along." Really? I think when I hear this...Don't they know that it's really as simple as saying: "I commit myself fully and wholly to finding the LOVE of MY LIFE, NOW!" But that might be way too risky...for the non-risk taking, PC, shy, too proud, boundary blurring, SINGLE lone ranger.

Believe it or not, this is just a short list of some of the qualities and characteristics that I've noticed in TS'ers who go year after year secretly wondering if the word SINGLE is written on their forehead. Or worse yet SINGLE LOSER.

If you are one that has very logical reasons (to you) that true love hasn't yet graced your doorstep, then you will want the CURE for being Terminally Single.

Words that describe TS'ers: Timid, Intellectual, Practical, Non-Demonstrative, Savers, Careful, Boring, PC, Unrealistic about love, Shy, Nice, Pleasant. SAFE

Occupations where there are more TS'ers: Engineers, Scientists, Matheticians, Professors, people in IT/Computer professions, Accountants, Doctors & Lawyers. (Not a complete list and of course many of these people do get married but this is what I've seen a pattern in these professions.

Words that describe BAD BOYS/GIRLS: Sexy, Hot, Fun, Exciting, Mercurial, Powerful, Gorgeous, Debonaire, Edgy, Risky.

I am not saying that you have to become a bad boy or girl to find love. Yet if you are at a level 1 when it comes to risk taking, and a bad boy is a 10, then you will have more success by moving up to at least a four.

C: Change your circuity. Get help to change your wiring so that you will have more freedom and ease in your everyday living.

U: Understand the opposite sex. Find out what it is that you don't know

R: Risk --Take more risks.

E: Experience the ups and downs of love. Stop protecting yourself and insulating yourself from love. You are living in the safe zone. Time to get uncomfortable. We know it's uncomfortable to wonder why men or women don't seem to be in to you. Trade the discomfort of loneliness in for one of adventures in dating, mating, and relating.

WARNING: To just read this list and say to yourself that you see the error in your ways, that you're now going to take more risks, not be so worried about saying the wrong things socially, and/or will act more feminine/masculine is not enough. It will not be as likely to get you the results that you say you want unless you seek qualified professional help.

When coaching my clients that have the seeking approval from the opposite sex gene that tells others that they are a wall flower, (or worse yet, a door mat), I always ask them to send me their written responses to online personal ads before they send them out. There needs to be a consistent focus on languaging (what you are conveying through speech) It helps so much to see how the NGB. (nice girl/guy but...) programming is ingrained. so that it no longer interferes with finding a lasting, happy, significant other relationship.

After I consistently point out how certain words put them at a lower social value level, they do "get it" and then they can move on to finding the love they want and feel so much better about themselves as well.

It takes some key shifts, over a period of time, to assist TS'ers overcome their social programming. Once a TS'er realizes they can be way more playful with things that they say, the LIGHT BULB finally goes off and the AHA effect will forever enlighten them.

Now! they don't have to be so CAREFUL of what and exactly how they say something. Finally, their real personality can come out rather than the hologram they've been showing potential partners for years. As a former TSer starting saying: Wow! I just said: " You look like trouble, are you trouble?" to a complete stranger and it made them smile and laugh. Maybe I will try saying that line again. And they do. And they fall in Love.

Having a coach can help guide a TS person to not just fall in love blindly with the WRONG person. That is something that often happens to desperate. They get hurt again and again and use that as their NEW EXCUSE as to why they can't find a meaningful relationship.

Those clients that get the best results are the ones that I take out in public and have them try on certain behaviors so they can see that almost nothing they do is going to UPSET someone they are flirting with. In the past, they sent off creepy energy vibes because they were being "too nice". So nice that the person they were flirting with feels like there are hidden strings attached that will come back later to haunt them.

Take an honest inventory of yourself and your life. Is there some limiting belief that is keeping you from loving someone full out? from dating? from flirting? If so, then I hope that you will take action in the next 24 hours to allowing love to enter your life.

No one has to be terminally single (tm).

Is OPD-OTHER people's DRAMA: Getting in your way of finding love?

01/31/2012 21:04:00

OPD? Other People's Drama... Often we get side swiped by OPD. Have you ever done this before? Have you allowed yourself to get caught up in someone elses unresolved issues? Have awakened and noticed that you somehow got swept up in someone elses wind storm and you are ignoring your own needs and obligations?

Are you rescuing the Damsels in Distress over and over? Is your Prince one of possibility but not enough actions? Are you helping him/her get his dreams off the ground but not investing enough in your own? Is your Prince of Possibility ever going to be a reality?

Stop the insanity. And stop buying into other peoples drama. There is a certain amount of drama in life that is unavoidable. People get ill, people die, they have car accidents, and lose their jobs. Yes, there is drama and there is also the kind of drama that can be avoided. We can all learn how to minimize drama rather than dropping a match on gasoline.

If you are out there dating follow this simple D-R-A-M-A acronym that I invented and avoid dating people with the following.

D: Divorce Drama. Are they separated and going through a messy divorce? or a quiet, calm divorce? If it's messy and mean, let them finish their divorce and then see if you are still available. I've seen so many people ruin their lives and risk their savings by helping people going through a divorce only to find out later that once the dust settled they weren't sure what they really wanted in love. And often that meant letting go of the person who helped them most. YOU. Do you really want to set yourself up for that risk? I don't think so. Remember, that there are ALOT OF SINGLE PEOPLE who are already divorced and emotionally ready for love. Don't settle.

R: Re-probates: I have never understood why people would want to write and worse yet get married to someone who was in jail. You see these people on shows like Jerry Springer. I knew a woman who married a man who was in jail for embezzling money. Really? Like, oh really...you want to date and marry someone who was convicted. Oh and people who've repeatedly been on probation for something like DUI's or anything else. You are asking for problems when you date people who have "a history" like that.

A friend of mine wrote a wonderful song and recorded it: It goes like this:

" I like broken-hearted men, they cry when you make love to them. Well adjusted they are not. But they give you EVERYTHING they got. (Read Drama) Oh, I like broken- hearted men. The next refrain: My idea of a perfect date is a one night stand with a re-probate. Oh, I like broken-hearted men. Enough said. PS. Amy, is supposed to be sending me her CD so that I can post her amazing song. Look for a posting where I let you listen in.

Stop the insanity. Look at the choices that you are making in love and life. There are well adjusted people who handle the natural life's dramas quite well and just want a little bit of wind beneath their wings from their partner. Ask yourself, why do you keep falling into a pattern of choosing the fixer uppers?

A: is for Anger Management Issues. If someone shows you early on any signs of having serious Anger Issues...take a detour and get back to the drawing board. You don't want that. Note: You are particularly vulnerable if you had a parent who had anger issues. Why are you vulnerable? Because people who have lived through that type of drama with their parents don't know how to draw healthy boundaries in this area. These people simply accept too much of it in their life because they have already survived it before. You may erroneously think things like: We are so in love. S/he will never treat me like that. Not true, their anger issues will turn on you in the end. Some people are rage-aholics (their drug is anger.) The symptoms go like this: They are all sweet, then they get triggered, then they explode all over you, then they feel better but you feel awful, they then promise to NEVER EVER do that again but they do. Without proper treatment, they will keep doing it again and again expecting you to forgive them, until one day...you just can't, and you leave. Yes, you leave but after wasting a good part of your life.

M: Money and Married- Stay away from dating people who are currently married or already in a relationship. I shouldn't even have to write this but there are still so many desperate people who don't believe that they can actually have what they want in life and love that they keep on falling in love with someone elses partner. Don't fall for OPP (other peoples partners). Don't do it. There are plenty of people out there who are emotionally available and actually single.

M#2 Money issues: In this economy nearly everyone has some money concern. What you want to avoid is someone who has had a life long history of money issues. These people are often in denial and lie to themselves about why they are still broke. Many of these people are kind of happy, in a sick kind of way, that so many other people are having money issues in these times. Why? They know that they will blend in with the rest of the misery loves company crowd. It doesn't matter so much ...where people are now. It's where they have been and where they are currently going that matters. Can they dust themselves off and create finances again? Can you do it together? You betcha if they don't have any of the other dramas getting in the way.

The last A: Active Addiction Issues. AA tells newly recovering people not to date for the first year of recovery. There are just too many ups and downs in the first year of recovery to add relationships to the mix. So if you are actively in recovery, focus on your recovery first. If you are trying to recover from any type of dangerous addiction, do not seek out someone who is in active recovery or who has ever had a problem with drugs or alcohol. Find someone who is more stable in that area than you. You can then help them with some other area of their life that you might be better in.

If you are someone who has fortunately never had to deal with addiction issues in your family or yourself, then do not try to take this on your own. Seriously, you are not qualified to help someone detox over and over.

I was engaged to a man many years ago who had recovered from drinking and a pain medicine addiction that he acquired while battling cancer. Not only had he recovered from cancer twice, he had also quit smoking. WOW! I thought if he could do that, he could do anything. Not true. The one thing he couldn't give up was ANGER. He was still angry 20 years later because his mother changed the color of paint in his bedroom when he was younger. My clue to take a detour should have been when he said: "I couldn't believe my wife divorced me even after I went to AA and made my amends. She said: You may have quit drinking but you are acting like the same a-h*** that you did while drinking." <==OK that was a big red flag that I didn't know then to pay attention to. But now I do and I burned the T-shirt.

That was a long time ago, when I was naive enough to believe in someone's potential and not what was really showing up in daily life. That's also when the Eight Levels of Love came to me to teach. I realized that he never made it past the 3rd level of love as his anger issues dominated so much of his life. (More on that in another post.)

So, hear me when I say, If you want to have an amazing Drama-Free Relationship, go for people who don't have these 5 areas of drama going on. Yes, you can find love. You can find Drama-Free Love. Take a stand for that.

Next blog will be on what to look for in love. We will explore the opposite of DRAMA. Look for the acronym: AWARD In the next blog. It is the word Drama spelled backwards with the M turned upside down making it a W. AMARD becomes AWARD. Curious? Tune in to the next blog to learn more.

Copyright 2012 Susan Bradley RN of www.MyDramaFreeRelationship.com (TM) All Rights Reserved. Please forward and post this article in places where it will help others but pls post with my copyright and TM mark. Thankyou.

D-Don't Date People with Divorce Drama, and more

01/19/2012 00:08:00

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Relationship Expert Susan Bradley on Drama Free Relationships

D-R-A-M-A d. Say no to Divorce Drama R: No Reprobates A: No active Addiction Issues M: Say no to Married People A: Don't Date people with Anger Management Challenges.

How to Get a Date in 2012! TRY WABI -SABI LOVE!

01/05/2012 13:43:00

WABI SABI WHAT? What is that? My friend and colleague, Arielle Ford just wrote this amazing book. WABI-SABI Love. I agree with her and her soulmate Brian about this amazing concept of making love natural and easy. It's about finding perfect love even when there are the normal imperfections. She's giving my clients some bonuses if you buy her book by using this link: http://www.wabisabilove.com

If you apply Wabi-Sabi to your love life, not only will it be more DRAMA-FREE but you will have so much more fun but...if you are someone who still can't even get a date then you have to watch this video.

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Get a Date in 2012? Try Wabi Sabi Love

Will she say Yes or NO? It's up to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZqrMVMobZs

DRAMA FREE? NOT! Trust in God, and tie up your Camels

01/04/2012 01:46:00

On New Years Day, I get a text. "Hi, I really need a friend right now. She took off with the bill money, all of my money, and left me high and dry. I'm at my wits end and I can't stop crying and I don't what to do. I'm alone with nothing, no food. I really want to die."

Tom had broken up with Elaine over a month ago. They agreed to live together until February for financial reasons plus Tom had really grown fond of her girls.

But today took the cake. He gave her his entire paycheck to deposit and pay the bills. What did she do? Cashed it. Took all the money and moved out. She even took his computer, after he had spent $400 on Christmas presents for her girls.

Now, he was suicidal. Hadn't eaten for two days? What was all this drama about? What would make Tom suicidal? Anger. Anger at himself for being so trusting. For letting himself be taken for granted again and again. Just 6 mos ago, his own Uncle had taken his money for rent and then asked him to leave. Again, he had no money and someone had taken him for a ride and dumped him in the dust. Tom, admitted his self esteem has always been on the low side. I think he could win awards for being Mr. Benevolent to everyone but himself. What Tom somehow failed to grasp is that "People will only love and respect you to the degree that you love and respect yourself." When he tolerated bad behavior from his girlfriend, how could she respect him? He was letting other disrespect him in the name of love. And then, how insane to trust her again after she had already proved to be untrustworthy. Why or why had he given her his entire paycheck to deposit and pay the bills? Here are some guidelines around DRAMA CLUES to watch out for. People who create or manufacture drama so that they don't have to really look at or deal with their own issues.

There is never a need for "manufactured drama" in healthy loving relationships. "Manufactured" or "self-created" drama includes mind games, temper tantrums, screaming matches, rages, jealousy and other negative behaviors that tend to occur with alarming frequency in the vast majority of unhealthy, non-nurturing relationships. The older we get, the more we come to realize that real life provides us with more than enough genuine dramas and actual crises (in the form of illnesses, the deaths of loved ones, job losses, financial struggles, etc.). Of course, this means that there is absolutely no need for us to add any needless, manufactured melodrama into the mix.
Drama as an Emotional Addiction:---At a party I attended I witnessed a pretty blond who had been dating her guy for 5 mos literally act out in front of others with her boyfriend. He was trying to limit the drama but she was persistent. They were triggering each other right and left, in public. Craving manufactured drama can be a form of emotional addiction. People who yearn for excessive conflict and arguing with their partners and others may want to take a long, hard look at exactly why this is the case. Are they attempting to use emotional melodrama to fill an emotional void of some kind? Some people who feel bored, emotionally numb, lonely, or unfulfilled in some way tend to pick fights with those they love in an attempt to escape their sense of emotional numbness or emptiness, but filling an emotional void with this kind of negativity is never the answer.
With dedication and persistence, "drama addiction" can actually be overcome. Think of a craving for emotional melodrama as a bad habit, a habit that can actually be kicked! In Tom's case, he invited drama in when he took in a homeless woman with two children and a dog to take care of. She was on welfare too and was using him like another naive guy for his money. These "users' feel somehow justified in taking from people by thinking: He's so naive, he deserves to be taken. But even Tom can change and take back his own power in his life. No one can do it for him but him. He was in effect asking for drama when he gave her his paycheck. I've heard the saying: Trust in God but tie up your camels. And, I believe that it fits his scenario. Tom had a need to be needed to bolster his poor self esteem. His need to be needed clouded his vision to see that she was using him from the very beginning. This was like giving your credit card to DRAMA and saying: Go ahead and charge anything you want. Once people recognize that they have a problem with craving and creating needless drama in their relationships, and then make the decision to change, they need to develop some self-regulating skills. For instance, if they notice that they are starting a lot of needless arguments with their spouse and/or their children, they must make the deliberate choice to curb their hurtful, destructive behavior. And if they remain vigilant about observing and working to change their negative relationship behaviors for the better, then over time they will notice a significant decrease in the level of drama in their relationships. It's taken quite a bit of time but for my partner, Al and I but we have decreased any friction and drama between us to the point that any frictional sticking points get handled like a curb rather than a giant road bump in minutes. The results are worth it. And how did it turn out with Tom? He finally realized that he had to take back his power in life. Accept what is. Stop adding extra drama by tacking on blame. The next day he sent more texts saying: Thank you for saving his life. Thank you from the bottom of his heart. I didn't have to take on his personal drama and I did support him and find him other support. He's now well, on his way to recovery and yes, he had the locks to the house changed the next day.

Don't invite negative drama into your life by saying yes to every emergency demand that friends, family, and even complete strangers foist upon you. Their emergency is not YOUR emergency. Don't allow people to rush you into a decision to "help" them. Don't upset your life to put out everyone else's fires. Teach them how to prevent fires and you won't be an enabler. No one should condone negative drama by rewarding the fire starters with yet another rescue. Find a way to help without enabling the person and the situation. The perfect example of a daily con that we all see everywhere are the people who walk up to you at a gas station or in a grocery store parking lot saying they ran out of gas, or bus money, or whatever and their pregnant wife needs to get home to take her medicine. Every time people donate to that cause they are unwittingly inviting a huge risk of drama into their life. Just say: NO. Just say NO to drama.

What is your Drama Quotient? or Threshold?

12/27/2011 10:52:00

I am noticing that how someone reacts to stress in their daily life sets up what I am calling a DRAMA Quotient or a THRESHOLD for Drama. Some people are naturally more excitable than others. Others are good at putting a "damper" on things. Some are drama magnets who always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I came by drama naturally in my family.

In my house growing up...my father would blow up and create a scene. Get really really loud and obstinate. He was over 6 ft tall so so a little girl he was HUGE!

Experiencing this from a young age meant that my tolerance to drama would be one of two things...either way less than most people causing me to avoid it at all costs or I would get really good at letting it wash over me and make it okay. Little did I know that this response would open the door for more drama to visit in my life.

There were times that I would tip toe away from the drama and other times that I would rail against it. A good portion of my adult life I would just avoid any topic and conversations with and around dad that could lead to unwanted drama. I mean, you just couldn't win anyway with someone who always thought that he was right even if he didn't have any factual basis behind his bias, his accusation, or complaint.

It was his way or the highway most of the time. Children should be seen but not heard he would say. As a result, I lost my voice for a very long time. I didn't really find it again until I got divorced and started taking self help seminars. Then, my voice was uncovered and I found that what I had to share was really helping others all around me.

Imagine going from so shy that you couldn't talk to yourself to being able to speak on stages with over 600 people in the audience. Self-help seminars helped literally free me but it still took me some time to realize how drama and my tolerance for it was still affecting my life.

What is your Drama Quotient? On a scale of 1 to 10. What do you think it might be?

0 is ...that your life is so regimented and controlled that not even you have freedom to operate. And 10 is so out of control that you have crises show up every day.

I believe that fluctuating between a 3 to a 4 is super-healthy. Occasionally you will be thrown a 10 or a 7 and that's life but you don't want to operate at a consistent level 7 to 10 or you will get burnt out. Your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health will be impacted for sure. You can set up your life to have things run well. Avoid crises. Prevent accidents and yes even flat tires.

I used to say: Let's pray for a boring day because that's what a day without drama would feel like to someone who had a dramatic father. Yes to some people a steady diet of drama, a day with no drama would feel like "A boring day".

A constant diet of drama will wear out your adrenal glands as they get overworked by keeping you in fight or flight modes to deal with stress.

In the beginning of my diet from drama, I wasn't sure that it was even possible to give up drama and prevent it. But, I found so many benefits that it does get easier.

You will get better at recognizing drama before it sneaks up on you again.

Tip: One very very huge component of letting go of drama is in being super-responsible at choosing people to date who are lower on the drama scale too. Are they only one week into drug rehab recovery? That would be a 10 in the drama scale. Stay away from people who are early in their recovery over anything, no matter how much you believe in their potential. You aren't qualified to deal with their natural ups and downs and many relapses. Are they newly in AA? They shouldn't even be looking to have a relationship in the first year of recovery. You will get sucked into their highs and lows if you let yourself get involved. There are plenty of people to date and love that aren't dealing with those types of issues.

Are they or you just out of a divorce or going through the divorce? Well, there will be drama for sure during that period, especially if they have children. Divorce drama is a little less dangerous to go through than addiction/recovery drama.

I am working on a test so that people can get a sense of what their real drama quotient is and how it impacts the quality of their life. Check back often to see if it's done.

Look for a blog soon about fighting styles and how they increase or decrease drama. Going for less drama in your relationships means healthier relationships. More fulfilling relationships. Less wear and tear on your heart, your emotions, and your psyche. Your life will fill up with possibilities rather than be interrupted by nonsensical fights that go nowhere except downhill. Keep Smiling!

* Definition of Threshold in the way I am using it here: the point at which a physiological or psychological effect begins to be produced <has a high threshold for pain>

YES, you REALLY CAN have a DRAMA-FREE LOVE-Life

12/16/2011 22:43:00

You really can have a DRAMA-FREE LOVE LIFE.

You can take charge of your life by deciding ahead of time how YOU personally will react to any drama that shows up. You can be a DRAMA magnet or a Drama repeller.

If something happens ONCE to a person, you can call it an accident but when it happens repeatedly, one must start wondering...what is this person doing to DRAW like a magnet similar circumstances to their life.

Some people are ADDICTED to DRAMA.

A friend of mine asked: I want a drama-free relationship. How can I get that?

The first step is honestly deciding that you want that. And the second step is having your partner also choose that path. The 3rd is starting to notice what negative drama looks like and what normal drama or normal reactions are to life's events.

W Mitchell always says: It's not what happens to you but what you do about it that matters the most. (Look his story up. It's quite amazing.)

So when my vintage authentic Chinese Junk (Fishing Boat) sunk in it's berth this week, I could choose to be melodramatic about it and cry and make a scene or I could choose to be an example of being grateful it wasn't worse. I at least, still had a boat, it was low tide, visibility was perfect, the lines were still intact holding the boat in place. It only took 3 hours for the rescue. There was no fuel on board so no hazmat procedures to follow. I did allow myself to have some woe is me feelings later but no drama.

I didn't swear, or jump up and down or pull my hair out. I started counting my blessings. Honestly this drama free way of living is something that I've been working on for quite a few years. And it even begins with our choices. If you come from a family of alcoholics and you keep choosing relationships with addictions then you are ASKING for more drama. You are placing an order with the Universe. Yes, I want more drama. Please give me more drama.

If you keep on choosing men and women "with potential" who never pan out in love, you are ASKING for negative drama. So what is it about you that might need to shift in order to realize that you can actually attract and keep someone who not only has potential but actually EXPRESSES it in life?

Most DRAMA is negative. What is drama? Any negative complaining or otherwise unnecessary suffering in a relationship. On the drama scale anything above a 5 is so uncool. Drama? Like when the woman stomps off in public giving her man the finger. Or when he's had too much to drink and yells obscenities in public. When she shows her jealousy and throws a drink in his face or vice versa.

Drama just piles on suffering in all forms.

There are 10 different types of DRAMA.

1. Family Drama

2. Addiction Drama

3. Health Drama

4. Relationship Drama

5. Financial Drama

6. Childhood Drama

7. Disaster Drama

8. Mental Health Drama

9. Death Drama

10. Career Drama

Our individual reaction to any of the above dramas distinguishes the DRAMA FACTOR in our lives. How do you react to drama? What is your initial reaction? How does your family tend to deal with drama? If you came from a family with a large drama factor then you will have one of a few reactions. A. You run away from it. B. You embrace it.

C. You create it. D. You pretend it's not there. E. You make it worse.

I have to go to an appt now but this post will continue to unfold and explore information about drama. Meanwhile, if you are in the San Francisco area Jan 6th, I am speaking at a big Singles Convention at 7pm Location: Serverinos Restaurant on the water, (in Tiburon) for American Singles

THE TOPIC IS: Finding DRAMA-FREE LOVE in 2012! Come out and play with us and make a commitment to yourself to have DRAMA FREE LOVE!

The Stupid Love Show

11/03/2011 12:26:00

The Stupid Love Show is looking for your suggestions and guests for the show. What topics do you want to see being covered on this show?

This is for you...and will be uploaded on iTunes. If you want to listen to our latest radio show on What Happens When Men talk about Sex too soon" go to BlogTalkRadio.com/HealMyLoveBarriers. This topic and many more will be covered on the soon to be released show.

We will be interviewing Top Relationship Experts and people who have great stories to tell about love. You and your friends can also join us on www.Podomatic.com/TheStupidLoveShow to all the new topics without having to wait. Friend us on FB us at GuideToFlirting.com and SusanEBradley. Twitter: FlirtingExpert

Forward this blog to your friends, we want your input on who to interview. Perhaps you know the most amazing couple who have a great story to tell about how they fell in love, or how they made it against the odds. Nominate couples you know by posting in our comment section.

We help people Fall in Love EVERYDAY. by First Falling in Love with Yourself, Your Life, and then your Life Partner.

Going Deeper in Love

09/20/2011 11:57:00

I challenge every one of you to go DEEPER in your experience of Love and Loving. Al and I keep getting even better at being wonderful partners for each other. It's been a combination of shared experiences, both good and bad. Each obstacle we've overcome together, united against the challenge has knitted our relationship closer. Share here...your own stories of what has brought your own relationships closer. We've been taking personal growth seminars together, with rope course challenges, trust falls, and all. Keep on LOVING!