OPD?  Other People's Drama... Often we get side swiped by OPD. Have you  ever done this before? Have you allowed yourself to get caught up in someone elses unresolved issues?  Have awakened and noticed that you somehow got swept up in someone elses wind storm and you are ignoring your own needs and obligations?

Are you rescuing the Damsels in Distress over and over?  Is your Prince one of possibility but not enough actions?  Are you helping him/her get his dreams off the ground but not investing enough in your own?   Is your Prince of Possibility ever going to be a reality?

Stop the insanity.  And stop buying into other peoples drama.  There is a certain amount of drama in life that is unavoidable.  People get ill, people die, they have car accidents, and lose their jobs.   Yes, there is drama and there is also the kind of drama that can be avoided.  We can all learn how to minimize drama rather than dropping a match on gasoline.

If you are out there dating follow this simple D-R-A-M-A acronym that I invented and avoid dating people with the following. 

D: Divorce Drama. Are they separated and going through a messy divorce? or a quiet, calm divorce?  If it's messy and mean, let them finish their divorce and then see if you are still available.  I've seen so many people ruin their lives and risk their savings by helping people going through a divorce only to find out later that once the dust settled they weren't sure what they really wanted in love. And often that meant letting go of the person who helped them most. YOU.   Do you really want to set yourself up for that risk?  I don't think so.  Remember, that there are ALOT OF SINGLE PEOPLE who are already divorced and emotionally ready for love.  Don't settle.

R: Re-probates:  I have never understood why people would want to write and worse yet get married to someone who was in jail.  You see these people on shows like Jerry Springer.  I knew a woman who married a man who was in jail for embezzling money.  Really?  Like, oh really...you want to date and marry someone who was convicted.  Oh and people who've repeatedly been on probation for something like DUI's or anything else.  You are asking for problems when you date people who have "a history" like that.

A friend of mine wrote a wonderful song and recorded it: It goes like this:

" I like broken-hearted men, they cry when you make love to them.  Well adjusted they are not.  But they give you EVERYTHING they got.  (Read Drama)  Oh, I like broken- hearted men.  The next refrain: My idea of a perfect date is a one night stand with a re-probate.  Oh, I like broken-hearted men.  Enough said.  PS. Amy, is supposed to be sending me her CD so that I can post her amazing song.  Look for a posting where I let you listen in.

Stop the insanity.  Look at the choices that you are making in love and life.  There are well adjusted people who handle the natural life's dramas quite well and just want a little bit of wind beneath their wings from their partner.  Ask yourself, why do you keep falling into a pattern of choosing the fixer uppers? 

A: is for Anger Management Issues.  If someone shows you early on any signs of having serious Anger Issues...take a detour and get back to the drawing board.  You don't want that.  Note: You are particularly vulnerable if you had a parent who had anger issues.  Why are you vulnerable?  Because people who have lived through that type of drama with their parents don't know how to draw healthy boundaries in this area.  These people simply accept too much of it in their life because they have already survived it before. You may erroneously think things like: We are so in love.  S/he will never treat me like that.  Not true, their anger issues will turn on you in the end.  Some people are rage-aholics (their drug is anger.)  The symptoms go like this: They are all sweet, then they get triggered, then they explode all over you, then they feel better but you feel awful, they then promise to NEVER EVER do that again but they do.  Without proper treatment, they will keep doing it again and again expecting you to forgive them, until one day...you just can't, and you leave.  Yes, you leave but after wasting a good part of your life. 

M: Money and Married-  Stay away from dating people who are currently married or already in a relationship. I shouldn't even have to write this but there are still so many desperate people who don't believe that they can actually have what they want in life and love that they keep on falling in love with someone elses partner.  Don't fall for OPP (other peoples partners).  Don't do it. There are plenty of people out there who are emotionally available and actually single.  

M#2 Money issues:  In this economy nearly everyone has some money concern.  What you want to avoid is someone who has had a life long history of money issues.  These people are often in denial and lie to themselves about why they are still broke.  Many of these people are kind of happy, in a sick kind of way, that so many other people are having money issues in these times.  Why?  They know that they will blend in with the rest of the misery loves company crowd.   It doesn't matter so much ...where people are now.  It's where they have been and where they are currently going that matters.  Can they dust themselves off and create finances again?  Can you do it together?  You betcha if they don't have any of the other dramas getting in the way.

The last A: Active Addiction Issues.  AA tells newly recovering people not to date for the first year of recovery.  There are just too many ups and downs in the first year of recovery to add relationships to the mix.  So if you are actively in recovery, focus on your recovery first.  If you are trying to recover from any type of dangerous addiction, do not seek out someone who is in active recovery or who has ever had a problem with drugs or alcohol.  Find someone who is more stable in that area than you.  You can then help them with some other area of their life that you might be better in.

If you are someone who has fortunately never had to deal with addiction issues in your family or yourself, then do not try to take this on your own.  Seriously, you are not qualified to help someone detox over and over.

I was engaged to a man many years ago who had recovered from drinking and a pain medicine addiction that he acquired while battling cancer.  Not only had he recovered from cancer twice, he had also quit smoking. WOW!  I thought if he could do that, he could do anything.  Not true.  The one thing he couldn't give up was ANGER.  He was still angry 20 years later because his mother changed the color of paint in his bedroom when he was younger.  My clue to take a detour should have been when he said: "I couldn't believe my wife divorced me even after I went to AA and made my amends.  She said: You may have quit drinking but you are acting like the same a-h*** that you did while drinking."  <==OK that was a big red flag that I didn't know then to pay attention to.  But now I do and I burned the T-shirt.

That was a long time ago, when I was naive enough to believe in someone's potential and not what was really showing up in daily life.  That's also when the Eight Levels of Love came to me to teach.  I realized that he never made it past the 3rd level of love as his anger issues dominated so much of his life.  (More on that in another post.)

So, hear me when I say, If you want to have an amazing Drama-Free Relationship, go for people who don't have these 5 areas of drama going on.  Yes, you can find love.  You can find Drama-Free Love.  Take a stand for that. 

Next blog will be on what to look for in love.  We will explore the opposite of DRAMA.    Look for the acronym: AWARD In the next blog.  It is the word Drama spelled backwards with the M turned upside down making it a W.  AMARD becomes AWARD.  Curious? Tune in to the next blog to learn more.

Copyright 2012 Susan Bradley RN of www.MyDramaFreeRelationship.com  (TM) All Rights Reserved.  Please forward and post this article in places where it will help others but pls post with my copyright and TM mark. Thankyou.